I can’t help but hurt. I can’t help but have fear. I can’t help dying
a little inside.
I left him. I was afraid to hurt him. Afraid that this would be the
least painful out come. I hope he knows I love him, I hope he knows I
care, I hope he knows I always have, and I hope he knows that I’ll
always lend a helping hand.
I’ve never had a good breakup. I’ve never been held as I cry and told
that it’d all be alright, even through all this mess. There are so
many beautiful firsts, even in the dark of the very last.
He’s the sort if boy I want to settle down with, the sort I’d love to
grow old and senile with. He’s the sort I want to come back to.
I didnt mean to be an ass by leaving. It wasn’t any fault on his part.
I hate how all the emotions just built up and exploded. He’s such an
amazing boy, if that was us at our worst then it really is the best
worse I’ve ever seen.
I’ll always remember the last stroll we took down the street by wash
park, with all the flowers in bloom and his hand in mine regardless of
the fact that we were both broken with tears in our eyes. There was so
much beauty in that moment.
I truly do love him. His beauty, his adorable smile and adorable hair,
his adorable laugh, and his adorable interest in life. He’s such a
hard worker and always achieves his goals, and if a job isn’t good
enough, he doesn’t settle for less. He’s such a strong man, both
physically and mentally, his will power to work two jobs, his
dedication to himself and all his leisure time with the movies and
things he downloads. I’ll never forget that, because it’s something
I’ll always miss, something I’ll always want back.
I feel like such a terrible person all over again. I’ve bruised his
heart and bruised my own. Yet here I sit only flesh and bone.
I hope he finds light through the tunnel, I hope that angels guide his
way, I hope that he finds whatever it is he is looking for, and I hope
he doesn’t find all the dark and shady corners of this city and all
the people who crawl in it. But most of all, I hope he knows that im
here. The same way I always have been. And that I’m only a text or
phone call away.
I’m sorry for all the pain I’ve caused. Please let it go, and save all
the beautiful memories we’ve created together.